Alone In The Crowd
A few weeks ago, a friend posted a question on Facebook asking if it's okay to go to a concert alone. Without hesitating, I replied, 'Yes, you must go!'. This from the girl who has been going on 'self-dates' for almost 8-years - cultivating time alone and doing activities by myself is one of my favourite things to do!
Growing up, my mom would always remark that she didn't need many friends because she had herself. I remember feeling sad for my mom at times that she didn't have a confidant to share important pieces of her soul with, or to share stories and laughter with. But as I've gotten older, I realize she has key people in her life that serve her external needs, but at the end of the day, she's got herself to come home to.
Last night, I went to City Folk here in Ottawa, a fantastic folk-festival that has scaled so much in the past few years. The headliner was Of Monsters and Men. Their previous album My Head Is An Animal is equal parts melancholy, and a perfect cup of tea. When I listen to it I become deeply reflective, and have moments of soul searching, and dreaming, and wistfulness about what's to come mixed with a sadness for what's being left behind. It's one of my favourites to come back to when I need to be with myself. It also is the main soundtrack for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, one of my favourite movies.
So it was fitting that I left our crew of friends to mosey into the crowd of thousands alone to find my little spot of joy alongside so many beautiful souls. I searched for the perfect path to get closer to the stage, and sorted through the energy of the groups I passed by - who was equally as in love with this music? Who could I share my energy with in joy and love of this band's gifts to the world?
I found my little piece of heaven about 100-feet from the stage, and I started to feel the music move through my body. Eyes closed, feet drumming to the beat. Jumping on those excellent bridges and crescendos.
There was one moment when I looked around and felt a flurry of emotions come in. Each person around me had a unique life, a unique circumstance, a unique night. But here we all were, together, to be with song. How beautiful a thing. I felt myself become meditative, closing my eyes, swaying, feeling the power of the energy we all had together.
It was bliss.
After they played 'Dirty Paws', it was time for a bathroom break, a Beavertail, and a hot-chocolate. I found our crew again, and finished out the concert together, floating on a cloud.
I couldn't fall asleep until 4 a.m. last night. In part because of some bachelorette shenanigans that Mitch was co-hosting, and in part because of so many thoughts about what's coming next in my life and for Dream, Girl. I didn't fall into the black hole of my mind, I just reflected. I felt the fears come up, asked them questions, and worked through them until they passed. It was my time alone that I needed. It was my time for myself to work through what I needed to work through.
So yes. Go on self-dates. Take yourself to a Taylor Swift concert alone (check). Go to that movie you're dying to see (check). Eat at that delicious restaurant you've been eyeing up with no other company but yourself (check). You deserve to treat yourself and to have a heart to heart with your heart.
It's my favourite thing, and such a lovely way to come back home.